… but suffice it to say that I’m not as depressed as the next post implies. I’m well. Very busy. And enjoying life.

The details are surreal, and far too painful to describe here; but suffice it to say that Thursday night, a friend of mine - after years of struggle and pain - killed herself.

I don’t know how to feel. I’ve tried. The stages of grief don’t help. Not with suicide. They’re all jumbled. Mine started with Anger and haven’t really moved. It’s just clouded with fear and sorrow now.

The victim is the villain. The villain the victim. There is no hero. No beautiful music played. She just didn’t want to live anymore, and she, undoubtedly, thought that staying alive the way she was would be more painful to her and everyone around her, than no longer doing so. I can’t speak for her, but for the rest of us, she was wrong.

Her father is a colleague of my father. A preacher. A mentor. Her brother and mine were roommates in college. Their family seems to hold my father on the same pedestal that we hold theirs. So, 15 or so years ago, when they called and asked my parents to take in their daughter, who was married, with 2 beautiful daughters of her own, and attempt to help her get off of drugs and become the mother her children needed, my parents didn’t hesitate. She became another sister in a community of siblings. All broken and battered in some way. All with varying degrees of excuses for their actions. She was one of them. One of us.

Later, when she was clean, she and her husband came and worked for my dad. They sacrificed and slaved to help others who needed the same level of grace and mercy that she had been shown. Years went by, and they became staples of our ministry. They were the go-to family for my parents. The shoulders to cry on. A new source of stability for my parents. Then, when it was time, they decided to move on. They needed to raise their own children. They needed to step out of service, and into the focus of being a family of their own.

She relapsed. Her husband stayed by her, as did her father, once again. They suffered through it all. They played every character of saint and tough-cop that they could muster. Meanwhile, her children began to grow up. Her struggles went from those of a daughter and sister to those of a mother and grandmother. Her pain had become contagious. She was drowning in an ocean, and flailing around, drowning those nearby in the process. Those who needed to separate themselves from her to survive, did so tentatively and with great sorrow and guilt.

Thursday night, she stopped trying to swim. She stopped flapping her arms, stopped hitting the people around her, and simply gave up. She took one last swing at her father, and she chose death. After a lifetime of testing who would quit on her, she turned the table, and quit on us.

Lynn, we loved you. We’ll miss you. Then again, we have for some time now.

I could be wrong, but I think the monotonous nature of a tour, and the repetition of shows, would be preferable to the schedule in which I find myself this holiday season. Observe.

1. November 22 - Fly from New York, NY to New Orleans, La (3 hours)
2. November 22 - Drive to Baton Rouge (1.5 hours)
3. November 23 - Drive to Alexandria, La. (3 hours) to pick up Luke.
4. November 24 - Drive to Baton Rouge, La (3 hours) for Thanksgiving #1
5. November 25 - Drive to Harlingen, TX (10.5 hours) for Thanksgiving #2
6. November 28 - Drive to Hattiesburg, MS (14 hours) to play Thirsty Hippo and T-Bone Records
7. November 29 - Drive to Baton Rouge, La (2.5 hours)
8. November 30 - Drive to Houston, TX (4.5 hours) to play Mucky Duck and The Community Bar
9. December 4 - Drive to Austin, TX (3 hours) to play Headhunters
10. December 5 - Drive to Beaumont, TX (5 hours) to play The Vortex
11. December 6 - Drive to Harlingen, TX (7 hours)
12. December 6 - Drive to McAllen, TX (1 hour) for Juaquin’s Baptism
13. December 8 - Fly to Houston, TX (1 hour)
14. December 8 - Fly to Austin, TX (40 minutes)
15. December 8 - Fly to New York, NY (5 hours) to work
16. December 23 - Fly to Austin, TX (5 hours)
17. December 24 - Fly to Harlingen, TX (1.5 hours) for Christmas
18. December 29 - Fly to Austin, TX (1.5 hours)
19. December 31 - Fly to Los Angeles, CA (3.5 hours) for New Year’s Eve and a show at Hotel Cafe
20. January 5 - Fly to New York, NY (5 hours) to sleep.

I’m tired from writing it all down. Talk to me around January 6th. I’ll let you know how I feel about it all.