prepare for takeoff

When I fly, I imagine falling out of the plane. Not the whole plane crashing, just me. Somehow the floor opens up and I am dropped out of the bottom from 30,000 feet in the air with no parachute. 

I imagine the sound. The horrific scream of white noise rushing over the low hum my own ears doing their best to pop from the rapid pressure change. I wonder if I would scream. Or, would the futility of making noise register with me, causing me to opt for a silent tumble, like a broken branch in a thunderstorm. 

I can almost feel it. The ball of energy exploding upward from my stomach and the intense pressure against my temples. I imagine the nausea being overwhelmed by the anxiety and fading into the background like a siren in the middle of a tornado. I wonder if I would pass out? Would I have even a fraction of a second of pleasure from the adrenaline? Would I sing, like I normally do when I'm anxious?

I wonder what would happen to my brain. Would the stress be too much for me to think with any reason? Would any particular memory stand out? Would I think of anyone in particular? Could I come to terms with the finality of such an imminent demise? Or would I detach and have no grip on reality?

I rarely think about landing. When I do, it's always different. 

Would I hit water, and be lost forever? Would I collide into a mountainside, leaving a skeletal imprint on some rock barely visible from a nearby highway, where travelers later reference as a landmark for holiday road trips? Would I find my way to a city? Would some unsuspecting urbanite later identify the UFO spotted over downtown as me, the mystery man who fell out of the sky? Would I land on a city bus? Or on the roof of some apartment building? What if it were in the middle of a high school football game? Would they have to cancel? Or just delay until they cleared me off the field?

When I look out of the window of an airplane, it never fails. I always think to myself, 'what if I fell?' And I remember why, when given the option, I always choose the aisle.